Sometimes everything feels overwhelming. These are the moments I have no idea what to do and where to start. No matter what I do, everything feels wrong.
Recently, I was redoing my website. Maybe you know that I work as a designer. So as a designer you have different standards about just everything. This might sound tacky, but unfortunately, it is.
Everything has to be just right. Good is not enough; you are always seeking for something better. Something that is different, something that just wows people. And when you start looking at all the fantastic artworks out there, your work just sucks. No matter what other people say.
So as I was saying, I was redoing my website because I was looking for something better. The old one was just fine the way it was, but I had to change something because that’s just the way it is. And so I started. With new ideas and new motivation. Because new is always better.
But after a while I began to realize, that the motivation was gone, I didn’t like the new, shiny ideas anymore and altogether I hated this new website. Don’t get me wrong; there was nothing to dislike about the website, it was nice to look at and did everything it supposed to do. But still, in my head, it was the crappiest website ever.
This went on for several days. With every line I coded and every image I changed, my mood worsened. Until I just stopped working on it. Just ignoring it and bathing myself in self-doubt. Who am I to tell someone that I am a designer, an artist, a somewhat talented person if I can’t even make my own website look amazing?
And to my shame, I have to admit, that this mood stayed with me way too long. And as it is the case with our mood, it doesn’t stop with the topic it began with. Soon everything just sucks. The weather, the food, the clothes, the shoes, the coffee, everything was mediocre at best.
Fortunately there came the time when I realized what was happening. Instead of lying on the couch and binge watching “Friends” (how great is this show?!) I started to think about the real problem. The real issue here. It wasn’t that I am a bad designer or artist, it was that I hold myself to ridiculously high standards. And why? Who the fuck knows.
I had to realize something before I could move on and this was the following: Who the fuck cares?
Who, besides me, looks at every little detail of my work? Who, besides me, thinks that this one line could be a tiny bit farther to the right? Who, besides me, thinks about the size the headline has? Who besides me?
And the answer: Nobody. Absolutely fucking nobody.
No, I’m not as great an artist like a lot of other people out there. No, my work isn’t as wowing and fascinating as some other work out there. No, it is not perfect. No, I am not perfect.
But that’s what is so great about it all. We are not perfect. That’s what makes us who we are. That’s what gives my work this particular effect only I can give it. That’s what makes me who I am. That’s what makes you who you are. That’s what makes this world a little bit more exciting, a little bit more imperfect, a little bit more fascinating, a little bit more wowing.
So let’s be imperfect together. Let’s stop striving for the uppermost, the supreme, the ultimate. Because while we are working and struggling to reach this magical place, we miss all the fun that’s around us that’s only there because we are imperfect, because the world is imperfect, because we are who we are.